Going out to dinner. Are there any more magical words in the English language…especially for women? There’s little that compares with the pleasure of scanning a crisp menu, choosing exactly what appeals to you, having someone else cook and serve it to you–and then clean up afterward. We used to do it less than we do now, when restaurants of all kinds are packed with families nearly every night of the week. With so many mothers working these days, eating out has become more common, a necessity, in some cases, so Mom can juggle multiple roles and still keep her sanity.

But eating out was a rare occurrence during my childhood. My parents were always pinching their pennies. Dining out was a luxury, no matter how ordinary the restaurant, and those glorious rare occasions still shimmer in my memory. It was always on a Friday, Dad’s pay day, when my parents felt a little flush. I remember the excitement of getting cleaned up after school and eagerly waiting Dad’s arrival, when we’d pile into our one car, usually a Ford or  Chevy, and head to Don’s Chili, The Memory House, or Cinco de Mayo’s, three of our favorites. What a treat. I tasted my first crunchy taco at Cinco de Mayo’s in Inglewood and still remember listening to “It’s Cherry Pink and Apple Blossom White” playing on the jukebox at Don’s Chili in Fullerton. What simple memories stay with us through the years.

Of course, all this serves as a lead in for the delicious story that follows, written by Judy Clifford, a new student this term. Judy recounts with exquisite detail the special occasions her parents treated her and her sister to unforgettable evenings at Chez Cary, then one of Orange County’s landmark posh eating establishments. Reading about the culinary experience Judy so beautifully describes makes me want to use words like eating establishment, and culinary, and posh. You’ll see. Read on with pleasure, and “Bon Apetit!”

Canard aux Petits Pois
by Judy Clifford 

Whenever my sister Lisa or I won an award in school, achieved a challenging goal, or celebrated a milestone birthday, my mother gussied us up and my father treated us to dinner at the Chez Carey restaurant on Main Street in Santa Ana.

Somehow the contrast between the bright Southern California sky and the dusky, romantic interior never failed to enchant me. As soon as I settled into the soft, red velvet booth, and placed my clumsy feet on the footstool, I became a princess, a role that clearly belonged to my older sister at home. Now, in this dreamy place, the Chez Careeeee, which was the French way of pronouncing it, the playing field was at last leveled.

Lisa had long blonde hair, even thicker and glossier than Marcia Brady’s. And that made her a royal figure, at least in my estimation. I sported a different hairstyle then.  It was called a pixie cut. I wasn’t quite sure what pixies had done or what they even were, but it was obvious that they had been very, very bad and had to be punished in order to regain whatever status they had once held.

Pixie cuts had become an instant hit when Twiggy, a young model from England, was photographed wearing the hairdo. She had long beautiful legs and short, stubby hair.

My parents decided the short, stubby hair would look super on me. It didn’t. I had none of Twiggy’s style, let alone her—well—maturity. She had bumps in places that actually seemed to cave in on me. I was only nine, after all. My short brown hair accentuated my cowlicks, and had led to one horrific incident in which a shop owner had called me “son.”   My parents called me “adorable,” and that meant that I was going to have the dreaded hairstyle for a very long time.

But the Chez Carey made all of my worries vanish. Even the air was glorious. It was filled with scents so varied I could hardly distinguish them. But I learned that garlic, brandy, and peppermint do mix, when they hang together, heavy and lush in the atmosphere of the most magnificent restaurant on earth.

“We can count on consistent service at the Chez Carey,” my father would say.  My mother would nod her perfectly coiffed blonde head, and beam up at him.

“I totally agree. And, the food is exquisite.” These were grown-up conversations, and I treasured being let into their secret world, because frankly, they left us out of it and stuck us with a baby sitter on Saturday nights.

One night, we went to celebrate my second-place finish in a piano contest. As I perched on my chair, my feet dangling and barely grazing the footstool beneath me, I waited in hushed wonder for the waiter to take our drink order. I knew the routine by heart.

“Would you care for anything to drink?” he asked, with his pad of paper and pen brandished and ready for action.

My mother said,  “Yes, I think we will. I’ll have a martini, dry with an olive.”

“Certainly,” the waiter responded as he scratched something quickly on his pad.  Then, he turned to us kids and asked, “And, Mademoiselles, for you?”

Together, Lisa and I chanted, “May I have a Shirley Temple, please?” There was no straying from the script. This was the correct way to order. No other wording was allowed.

Finally, the waiter turned his attention to my father, who ordered an “Old Fashioned,” or something that sounded like that, because I never had the guts to ask him the real name. If there was one thing I’d been taught, it was not to question authority.

The next part of the meal was my favorite. The waiter glided to our table and presented our menus to each of us with great flourish. I took a deep breath. I could almost taste the earthy scent of the leather embossed menu cover. As I opened the menu, I took my time to peruse it. My parents didn’t mind. They encouraged this. The food items were listed first in French, and then translated in English. The fun was in the learning. What could a “canard” possibly be? A duck. And yes, now I knew that “petits pois” meant plain old green peas.

As I inspected the menu, my parents engaged us in a game of  “Name that Tune.” The background music was just that: in the background. I don’t remember if it was live or not. And all of the songs were standards by Sinatra or Dean Martin. This was the most enjoyable time of the evening. My father smiled at my sister and me as though he were proud of everything we had done up to that moment. I sucked down my Shirley Temple as fast as I could, just so I get another round of the sticky-sweet maraschino cherries. My mother was her stunning self, laughing out loud, and charming each and every person with whom she had contact. She even had a smile for the people we saw on our way to visit “the little girl’s room,” as my father called it. And there seemed to be an easiness in the chatter among the four of us that didn’t always happen at home. Such was the magic of the Chez Carey restaurant.  Such is the magic of childhood memories.

My spring teaching term began last week, and what a joy it is to be back in the classroom with a lively group of senior-age students dedicated to writing stories about all the interesting things they’ve seen and done during their long and fruitful lives. Pat Milligan hit the ground running in the first class with this marvelous story full of lush description of her hard-working grandmother and a mysterious, glamorous visitor who spends a summer with the family and captivates a young girl’s imagination, until….

Ramona
by Pat Milligan

The prospect of a guest brought forth a frenzy of house cleaning. Nanny spent that warm June morning in 1945 cleaning Uncle Louis’ bedroom. She washed the insides of the tall windows that looked out on the narrow alley and the yellow brick duplex next door. She wiped the window ledges and the molding, the door, and the small mirror. She polished the dresser and replaced the paper in the bottom of the drawers. The scent of ammonia and lemon oil masked the antiseptic odor of the room. Then she grunted as she turned the heavy mattress over the box spring of the old bed.

Nanny

She did not ask for help from her grandchildren as she took the bed-clothes down the narrow stairs to the kitchen. There she pulled the clothes washer with its attached wringer to the sink, connected the hose to the faucet, and filled the gray enamel tub with water and Fels-Naptha soap flakes. The wringer was the dangerous part, as the unwary or inattentive laundress could catch her fingers on the ever-rolling pins. We knew the procedure from watching, not from helping.

“Go play,” she told us if we offered help. “You’re only young once, so go play.” Meaning we should stay out of her way, the directions left us happy enough.

Later, back in the kitchen, I asked the same question one or the other of us had asked throughout the morning, “When is she coming, Nanny?”

“Probably sometime this afternoon, I imagine. Your Uncle Louis said it would take time for her to leave the hospital and get her few possessions together. Can’t you girls find something to do?”

In the living room I searched the desk for some penny postcards and a pen. Gwen took a big brown envelope from the bottom drawer and spread my pictures of movie stars about her on the floor. Most were black and white photographs with autographs.

“I like this one of Elizabeth Taylor,” she said. “And here’s one of Margaret O’Brian. Do you think I look like her?”

“A little. She’s about the same age as you.” I didn’t have to turn around to look, for I had memorized them both. Gwen’s hair was brown and short with bangs that fell into her eyes. She had a cute little nose, but it got into everything, and she could never stop talking.

“Who are you writing to now?” she asked.

“Jon Hall, Maria Montez, and Turhan Bey”

“Ugh! Turhan Bey. He’s so ugly.”

“I think he’s – uh – exotic, and you don’t get an opinion.” I said, addressing the card to Culver City, California. “And don’t get my pictures messed up.”

We both jumped when we heard a car door slam and ran to the windows.

“Here she comes,” yelled Gwen toward the stairs where Nanny was remaking the bed and finishing her cleaning. We ran to the front door as a yellow cab was pulling away. Standing on the curb, a tall, thin, blonde lady collected a few leather bags and a large handbag. When she saw us, she seemed startled, and suppressed a small cough with a white handkerchief.

Gwen and Patsy, a bit younger than they were in this story.

“I’m Ramona,” she whispered. “You must be the nieces.”

“I’m Patsy. This is Gwen.”

“We live here,” Gwen reported, moving to the porch.

Nanny’s wide girth blocked the doorway. “I see you’ve met my grandchildren. Welcome Ramona. We’re glad you’re staying with us for a while. Come in.” She moved aside and Ramona dropped her bags inside the door as if she were not sure she would remain and might need to claim them soon.

“Are you sure you have a room for me?” she asked. “Louis said it would be all right.”

“His room is available until he comes home from the hospital. Then we can make other arrangements for you.” Nanny reassured her. “Now come into the kitchen where we can have coffee.” Nanny turned to us. “Girls, take Ramona’s things upstairs.”

We raced up the steps and raced back again. We didn’t want to miss a thing. We were called the Misses Big Ears for a reason.

Seated at the yellow kitchen table, we watched Nanny pour three inches of cream from the neck of a milk bottle into a small pitcher next to the sugar bowl. She got two glasses from the cupboard and poured two cups of coffee. I spooned Ovaltine into the glasses of skim milk. Ramona took half of the cream and two teaspoons of sugar, stirring them into the fragrant coffee. We sipped our Ovaltine and listened, our attention feasting on Ramona.

Ramona reminded Pat of Veronica Lake, pictured in this photo.

Ramona was beautiful, like Veronica Lake. Her long blonde hair with just a hint of curl cascaded down her back. Her face was long and angular, and her nose was aristocratically straight, not bent like mine or pug like Gwen’s. Her cheek bones were prominent, and her eyes were pale gray like the Atlantic Ocean. Even her clothes were different. It was summer and she was wearing loose pants and a flowing silk long-sleeved blouse.

Most exciting to me, she came from California. Not Culver City she told us, but San Diego, and movie stars did not live in Culver City, but in Beverly Hills. We assumed her father was rich and possibly a doctor, for he had sent her to New Jersey’s Donnelly Hospital where a new operation could be performed on tubercular lungs. Ramona had met our Uncle Louis there after she survived the operation he was scheduled to get, and he had suggested she board with his mother while she waited for the doctors to release her from their care, probably several months.

Nanny could never deny her only son anything. He had been to death’s door and survived, but his survival was tenuous. If the operation were successful, he would come home to live with us: his mother, his sister and his two nieces. Gwen and I harbored the fantasy that he and Ramona were in love and would get married when they were both well. We loved having her around, even if she did leave stockings and underwear soaking in our only bathroom-sink. Nanny grumbled whenever she smoked cigarettes from a long black cigarette holder and left ashtrays full of smelly cigarette butts.

Ramona entertained us with stories told in her low breathy voice. Some she made up, and some were from the scandals featured in the Trentonian, a daily tabloid, or some detective magazines. She loved drama and made daily living seem exciting, for she listened intently to our ordinary activities and plied us with questions. She

Turhan Bey

laughed when pictures of Maria Montez and Turhan Bey arrived and agreed Turhan Bey was handsome. Happy summer afternoons were spent in our small back-yard as she dried her long tresses conditioned with peroxide in the warm summer sun. She let us comb her blonde hair and tie it back with a black velvet ribbon. Sometimes she coughed into a small white handkerchief.

That summer I read Alexander Dumas’s story about the lady of the camellias, a beautiful woman who died tragically from a lung disease. I tried not to see Ramona losing weight and her hair becoming thinner. I did not want to think she could die. She was supposed to get better. Although I had never seen a camellia, I knew they must be beautiful, like the roses in our garden and Ramona.

In September Gwen and I went back to school and were busy with church activities. We did not see much of Ramona. She  went to her room after dinner while we did homework at the dining-room table. We could hear her radio or phonograph music drifting down the stairs, lush symphonies or opera, including La Traviata, the sad story of the lady of the camellias.

One day we came home from school, and Nanny told us that Ramona had gone home to California.

“Why didn’t she say goodbye to us?” Gwen wailed.

“Did she leave an address so we could write to her?” I asked.

“She left rather suddenly,” Nanny said. “She had to go home. Perhaps her father is sick.”

Perhaps Nanny was lying. I suspected Ramona had returned to Donnelly Hospital.

Months later, early in December, Nanny descended the dark steps to the cellar. Gwen heard her say, “Oh! My G—. Marie, come down here. Look at this.”

Gwen followed Mother down the narrow cellar steps. Behind the Christmas boxes, Nanny stood by a large basket–overflowing with empty peroxide bottles and Jim Beam whiskey bottles.

Mother laughed. “Well, she had a good summer.”

Over the span of the winter, Nanny took the bottles out to the garbage can at the curb gradually, one-by-one. She claimed she didn’t want the trash-man to think she bleached her hair or was an alcoholic.

Thinking about incidents from my past I may write about brings up emotions associated with those experiences. When I write a story about an event in my life, it’s as important that I communicate how the incident made me feel as it is that I describe what happened. One way to accomplish this is to control the story’s mood.

Stories, like people, have a mood, be it fanciful, somber, ironic, angry, scary, etc. Often your story’s mood springs naturally from the emotions you’ve resurrected as you craft your story and intuitively influences your word choices, sentence structure, pacing, and decisions about what you call to the attention of your reader and the amount of detail you ascribe to it. All of these things contribute to your story’s mood. We need to be careful that the mood of our story conveys the emotional experience we attach to it.

As you read the marvelous story below, you will be captivated—perhaps mesmerized is a better word—by its mood. Indeed, our class felt mesmerized when it was read to us in the soft, lilting voice of its author, Molly Shelton. Molly is a careful writer, weighing the effect of her word choices, savoring the experience in her memory as she writes and sharing the details that are important to her. Molly could have told us this story in a variety of ways, but the mood she chose to create lets us experience her adventure the way she experienced it. As you read her story, notice what she does to sweep you along with her to a very special place.

The Tale of an Eagle and an Ego
by Molly Shelton

Jim and I are in Banff, British Columbia. We park our motorhome at the back of the historic Fairmont Banff Springs Hotel, just as did the year before, alongside the Bow River. There is still some tension in the air because at breakfast I’d flippantly said, “It would sure be great if you were as thrilled to be with me as you are to get on that golf course!”

“Hon, I thought you wanted to spend the day looking for that eagle. And you know how much I love being here with you and getting to play this course again.”

Somewhat contritely, but still off-put, I replied, “I do…but you’re so excited I feel like I’m in second place when it comes to your golf.”

Jim looked at me. “I don’t even know how to answer that.”

And there it was left. He started asking me about my plans for the day and things were quickly smoothed over.

He has barely taken the key out of the ignition when I jump up and double-check my little backpack to make sure I have everything I need for the next four hours—six, if he decides to play all 27 holes: trail map, binoculars, bird book, a banana, and my

straw hat will take care of the first three hours or so. Later, I will need the post cards, Sharpie pen, colored pencils and, of course, a writing pad and a book for when I sit at the writing table next to the huge windows in the Rundle Room on the mezzanine of the hotel. Flipping the backpack over my shoulder, I eagerly pop open the door and step onto the river rocks. The cold, rushing water charges the air. Jim is just behind me, carrying his golf bag and putting on his cap. 

We are frozen in place, stunned by the beauty surrounding us. I turn my head and look at Jim, and he drops his bag, comes up behind me, and puts his arms around my shoulders. We just stand there. We had remembered the beauty, yes, but you can’t “remember” the feelings of actually being in such a place. The noisy and rambunctious white water bounces off the boulders in the rapids just to our left, and in front of us the icy blue water of the Spray River is flowing down, scratching the sand spits as it melds with the Bow River. Centered in the background are glorious, snow-covered Rocky Mountain peaks with flat wedges of ice and snow packed between them. The early sunlight of this crisp September morning has gilded the snow, reminding me of the gold caps of Egyptian pyramids.

Jim points up and to the right of the river toward his beloved Banff golf course, showing me how it curls between the water’s edge and the ragged foothills. “Just behind that stand of yellow Aspen, see how the course curves around those pine trees? That’s the 5^th hole. A real beauty.” His voice has softened with such love in it.

I turn to him, “Yeah, yeah, get on your way! I need to hit the trails myself and scout out those eagles. If they’re here, I plan on seeing them today! And I hope you get to see a few birdies yourself, Luv.”

In one slow, smooth motion he wraps his arms around me, kisses me, and softly says, “I hope you have as much fun as I plan on having, Honey.” He picks up his bag and is off. Ten feet away he turns and, walking backwards, he calls above the roar of the rushing water, “I’ll see you upstairs at your table later, Babe. Have fun.” I watch him walk away. He’s so eager to get on that course, like a red pony wanting to break into a run.

I pull out my map of the area to get my bearings and head out to find that eagle’s nest I’ve been told about. My quest begins as I walk on the narrow path along the river, with the sounds and sight of the rushing water filling my senses. I reach the Spray River trailhead just as I pass the hotel, and the world quickly slips away. The woods are silent except for the squirrel overhead, telegraphing to the others that a stranger is coming their way.

With the fresh smell of the pines and firs and the sun dappling the path, it’s easy to walk a couple of hours. As I come upon a clear, swift stream, I stop and sit on a half-submerged log and take out my banana. Looking down into the water for fish, I jump back . . . there’s a bird walking on the sand down there! Ohmygosh, it must be a dipper! I scooch my whole body and legs upon the log and slowly peek over to watch it. I’ve read about dippers, but I’ve never seen one. Hopping along on the sand, perhaps five feet below, he stays for six minutes or so, longer than I would have thought possible, and then he just bursts up, feathers sleek and shining, and all around him droplets of water are rocketing. Mid-sized, his grey body is compact and he seems quite plain, but then he turns up his head and opens his long, thin beak and the air is filled with a lovely song, tit-tit-tit-whhh-whhh. I watch him, transfixed, as back into the water he dives. For a while time does not exist; I do not exist. There is only the river and the dipper entwined. The dipper pops up one last time, gives a great shiver to knock off the water, flaps his wings and flies away. I stay on the log, the sun on my back, with my fingers in the cold water. It takes me a couple of minutes to come back into this world and adjust to the sounds and light that I had stepped away from. I sit up and, like the dipper, shake a couple of times before starting my walk again.

The eagles’ nest, I was told, should be about a mile on the other side of this stream, so I get back on the trail and soon cross the footbridge shown on the map. I start looking in the tops of the trees and across the sky, hoping to see that regal bird in flight. As I walk around a huge boulder that a glacier long-ago swept up and dropped off in this open space, in front of me shards of sunlight pierce through a cluster of aspen, turning their yellow and red leaves aflame. I throw my jacket down onto fallen aspen leaves and pine needles and sit, rummaging through my backpack for my pen and colored pencils. Moving quickly, and with little thought, I do what I can to capture that shimmering moment. White and black tree trunks, blazing leaves, and then it is gone, leaving me, in my mind’s eye, with a perfect picture.

While sitting and looking at the aspen, I remember reading that the roots of all the aspen in a cluster are connected, and it’s really all one organism, each tree a clone of the other. A memory rises up and I can hear my older sister’s irritated voice chiding me many years earlier when we were running through the forest and I was holding her up, “For cryin’ out loud, Molly Jo, will you move it? A tree is just a tree.” Running behind her, I had straddled a fallen tree and was attempting to climb over it, when my attention was captured by the color of the lichen and the ants that were working in the sawdust below. I looked up to see her back as she disappeared into the brush, and as I scrambled off the log and ran after her, lest she leave me alone, I remember thinking, what a silly thing to say.

Relaxing now, I lie back with my hands under my head, looking at the sky and treetops and beyond the aspen and then, in a very tall tree just to the left, at the very top, spread across several branches, I spot the eagle’s nest! It must be about six feet across. My attention has been so focused on the aspen that I almost miss what I’ve been searching for. I scour the sky, trying to will that eagle to glide into its nest. However, I know an eagle covers a big territory in a day and I’m content that I’ve actually seen its nest.

After a while I head back toward the hotel, sometimes listening to the unfamiliar calls of the northern birds, then using my binoculars to spy them and read about them in the local bird book I bought. It has been a day of meditation.

I soon see the back of the hotel. Its tower, 11 stories high, and its outspread wings are magnificent, worthy of its grand setting. When I enter the lobby, I am very aware of my hiking outfit, but I fit right in with all the international travelers. I eagerly walk up the grand stairs to the mezzanine. As I step into the Rundle Room, the beauty just beyond those windows fills the room—and my spirit. I sit at “my” table, and start another sketch of the aspen, though their essence is escaping me. Still, I might capture them later. It’s no use now. The view of the golf course, the Bow River, and the mountains is too magnetic to focus on anything else. I just sit and absorb.

Although it appears I’m waiting for Jim to join me after his golf game, this is really precious time for me and I covet every minute of it. Sometimes I think I want to be jealous of the deep pleasure and satisfaction Jim gets from golf. I want to feel that golf is like his mistress. But here, right now, I understand that is just ego wanting to stir things up. The deep-down truth is that as much as he loves golf, I need to be alone in nature, to step out of the realm of time, to walk underwater beside the dipper, and to have no concept of any reality other than that moment.

Soon, as I’m gazing out the window, I watch a man in the distance walking in, pulling his golf bag. It takes a couple of minutes before I recognize Jim’s gait. He’s decided 18 holes is enough today. It seems strange now that at one time we both feared our different interests might eventually cause us to take separate paths. Instead, we seem to thrive by giving each other the freedom to do what we love when we’re apart. As I see him walking toward the hotel—toward me—I notice my pulse quickening.

As he enters the room, he stops at the bar and gets a vodka and tonic for himself and a lime and tonic for me, then comes over, clearly a happy man. I notice he’s taken the time to wash up and he looks fresh. Before he mentions his game, he asks me about my eagle. After visiting a bit, we return to the motorhome to rest and get cleaned up, then walk back to the hotel’s Rob Roy room for a very special dinner, lamb chops and a nice Bordeaux, then it’s time to go.

The sky is dusky blue as we drive up the canyon toward Lake Louise, where we’re camping. We are relaxed and quiet as we wind around a tight bend in the road, and just as we go around the curve, a great flurry of white feathers and brilliant yellow talons, a beak and a huge eye appear in front of our windshield! Jim slams on the brakes and swerves, barely missing it. With some effort he gains control of the motorhome and continues on. I have already popped out of my seat and run to the back window, just in time to see an enormous eagle, having just swooped down and grasped a squirrel in its talons, spread its wings, then soar across to the other side of the road and glide out over the canyon. I watch his tremendous wings disappear into the dusk as we drive around another curve.

I’ll bet if you’d asked Jim 10 years later what his golf score was on that day he could have told you, possibly hole by hole. As for me, all these years later, the exultant power of seeing that eagle’s talons and beak flash across our windshield, and then following his magnificent silhouette as it melded into the darkening sky remains a part of who I am today.

It’s a time for thanks. For parents who love unconditionally. For challenges that teach us what’s important and help us reach for the best in ourselves. For teachers who seek out the needy and give them a chance to shine. For the needy who radiate hope and happiness despite their disadvantages and inspire us all to follow their lead. For writers who stir us with stories that capture the best in humanity. For Jeanne Fobes’ story, below, which captures all these things and fairly glows with charity and good will. Her story will change your day.

Gerard, Big Man on Campus
by Jeanne Fobes

Our son Gerard, who has Down’s Syndrome, lives every day with joy and enthusiasm and curiosity.  When he was growing up, he excelled in the Special Education classes at College Park Elementary and Marion Parsons Junior High. Then it was time for Gerard to go to high school. The Special Education class was at Corona del Mar High School.

Gerard and Jeanne

Suddenly he was immersed in a culture awash in gorgeous blondes, “cool dudes,” athletes, and all the different types of kids who roam the campus of a big high school. Within weeks Walt Richardson, his teacher, and Mr. Moto, the vice-principal, summoned Steve and me to school. Mr. Moto spoke right up. “We’re worried about Gerard. He’s hanging out with a bunch of wanna-be tough guys. Do you know that he’s wearing a tank top to school, with a bandana knotted around his head?”

“I feel bad about this,” chimed in Walt Richardson. “He won’t listen to me at all. I hope you can work it out–this situation sure isn’t good for him.”

When we talked with Gerard after he got home from school, we learned that he smuggled the tank top in his backpack and pilfered a bandana from his sister’s dresser to complete his “hood” outfit and that the tough gang were his “new friends.”

It was obvious that Gerard needed help. After talking it over with him, having further conversations with his teacher, visiting his psychiatrist, doing a lot of research and even more praying, we sent him to a highly regarded Catholic school for developmentally disabled students in St. Louis, Missouri. We gave him a prepaid phone card and asked him to call us often, which he did, always reminding us that he belonged at home in California.

At last he was coming home for Thanksgiving vacation. Steve and I kept grinning at each other as we waited for him at the airport. Gerard’s first words were, “I’m a California kind of guy and this is where I belong.” We picked up his luggage and, sure enough, he had packed everything and brought it home. He was finished with St. Louis and the cold weather and was back where he belonged. Just being away from what he loved—his family and his home—made him realize how much it meant to him. I couldn’t stop hugging him–I was so happy!

After the Thanksgiving weekend, Steve and I met with Mr. Moto, and the next morning we took Gerard back to Corona del Mar High School. Mr. Moto, a good-natured bear of a man with a Santa Claus white beard, had a big grin on his kindly face as he shook hands with Gerard. “Welcome back, Gerard. I’ve got a surprise for you. Let’s go out to the field. Coach Holland is waiting to meet you.”  Mr. Moto had asked the football coach for his help with Gerard. Clearly Mr. Moto had given Gerard a lot of thought and had come up with a plan to help him, a plan that turned out even better than Mr. Moto could have foreseen.

Coach Holland, a generous and good man, took Gerard under his wing and gave him a place where he could belong. He asked Gerard to be water boy for the varsity team. As always, Gerard met this new challenge with his own exuberant level of enthusiasm and commitment. He went to all the practices, where he helped the equipment manager. He worked out with the team, attended all the meetings, and was accepted as one of the guys. He felt part of an important and respected group of young men. That did wonders for him. But Gerard himself simply carried the day, going further, faster, and better than Coach Holland dreamed of. Coach Holland was sincerely honoring Gerard for his commitment to the team when he gave him a letterman’s jacket with “Secret Weapon” stitched on the front. Gerard was a B.M.O.C.

Steve took Gerard to all the football games, where Gerard joined the team in the locker room for pre-game prayer, then ran out on the field with them. He checked out books on football plays, purchased football videos and started a notebook where he diagrammed plays the coach might use in the game. Gerard was so knowledgeable about the diagrams and the plays that he sometimes corrected the coach, to Coach Holland’s delight, I have no doubt.

Now, twenty years later, Gerard is still in charge of getting water to the players. Steve takes him to all the games, where Gerard joins the team in the locker room and runs out on the field with them. Every year he’s invited to the Football Banquet, an invitation he eagerly awaits. The coach and the team honor and applaud him and then he looks forward to the next football season.

Each time Steve and Gerard leave for a game, I give Gerard a big hug. “Have fun,” I tell him. “I hope I see your smiling face at the kitchen door window when you get home.” And when I hear them walking from the garage after the game, I hurry to the door and delight when I see that grin lighting up his face and both thumbs up. Of course, sometimes they’re pointed down and the face isn’t so lit up.

“This is the year the team will go all the way!” Gerard’s faith and optimism are unquenchable as each football season opens. He was wildly enthusiastic in 1988 and again in 1989 when his beloved Corona del Mar Sea Kings won the much-yearned-for CIF Championship. However, despite Gerard’s hopes, no Corona del Mar team has won that top award since. As the football season ends each year, the team’s favorite Water Boy says, “Next year they’ll do it!”

Gerard went on to have a great career at Corona del Mar. He was elected to the Associated Student Board, the first Special Education student to receive this honor. His favorite class at Corona del Mar was Auto Shop, probably because he wanted to be an auto mechanic, no doubt inspired by the Fonz on one of his favorite television programs, “Happy Days.” His teacher told us that he “burned up the wrenches.”  

As his senior year drew to a close, we received an invitation to attend the awards ceremony. Gerard received the Bank of America Industrial Arts Award given to the Best Student in Industrial Arts because of his “enthusiasm and improvement in Auto Shop.”  We were happy to see his love for his favorite class rewarded. The final and biggest award was the Gerald McLellan Sea King Spirit Award, given each year to the graduating senior who made the greatest contribution to the school spirit of Corona del Mar High School. Usually the winner is the quarterback of the football team or some Big Man On Campus. We were astounded when they announced the winner to be GERARD FOBES. There was a great ovation as Gerard walked up proudly to receive his trophy.  Steve and I were both in tears and I know we weren’t the only ones to be deeply touched by this acknowledgement to a rare young man. His name is engraved on the permanent trophy displayed in the school trophy case. A reporter put a story about Gerard in the L. A. Times with photographs of him as the first special education student to be on the Student Government Board and with the football team.

Holding His Spirit Award

Gerard’s whole class, all twelve special education students, went to the Senior Prom. Their teacher, Miss Beth since Walt Richardson’s retirement, accompanied them to the Spaghetti Factory for dinner, then on to their prom. Gerard was thrilled and was so handsome in his rented tux. After he got home, Steve asked him to hold his Spirit Award and talk about his years at Corona del Mar for a video. He told about winning the big award, and about how great his Senior Prom had been. Then he said the words that I have tattooed on my heart, “I’m just a regular Down’s Syndrome kind of guy, but I’m really wonderful once you get the chance to know me better.”

After the graduation ceremonies on that idyllic June afternoon in 1991on the Corona del Mar campus, after all the hand-shaking with dignitaries, after all the bright blue mortar boards had been tossed triumphantly into the air, after Gerard had hugged and been hugged by every football player and every cute girl, Mr. Moto, that same vice-principal, caught up with Steve and me and said, “I want you to know that it’s been a privilege to know your son and to see his effect on the students in regular classes. I, and they, are better people for having associated with Gerard.”

“So are we, Mr. Moto,” I replied, unshed tears catching at my voice. “So are we.”

All memoir writing teachers soon discover they’re teaching far more than a writing class. While writing a personal history may be the project that initially draws people to the class, something far more important and meaningful keeps them coming back, again and again. One of my students approached me yesterday and said, “When I leave this class, I feel like I’ve attended church, visited my psychiatrist and doctor, and went to a friendly family reunion…all rolled into one.” Frankly, I feel the same way. Something magical and meaningful happens when people come together to share heartfelt stories about how they became who they are. Whether polished or plain, funny or sad, these stories invite us to reflect on our own life experiences and examine the common threads that bind us all together regardless of gender, culture, or educational background. Many find the experience validating and liberating, an antidote to regret, guilt, resentment, loneliness, and self-pity, one that draws them back week after week, year after year–for some, going on ten years now. I’m pleased if they get some writing done along the way, but I know that what really engages my students is something far more transforming and transcendent. For that, I’m grateful.

My student Judy Huck captures these feelings perfectly in the following moving story about her classroom experience.

What I Learned in School
by Judy Huck

I have always said that I would like to write.  I said it, but I didn’t do it.  Whether for fear of not being perfect and profound or simply out of procrastination, my contribution to the written page was sparse and sporadic.  One day a friend recommended Dawn Thurston’s memoir writing class, and so I ventured into the class, expecting to learn about the craft of writing and get a kick-start in the pants to be actively involved in creation.  Well, yes to number one and somewhat to number two.  I have learned a great many things about how to express myself in writing, and have even written a few pieces.  I have also found myself the recipient of the most precious of gifts – the knowledge of how glorious human beings are.

When I joined the class, I found the students to be just what I expected.  Ordinary people of a certain age who wanted to leave a legacy to their family.  I had my own legacy that I wanted to leave, so I settled in. At first I was very quiet, taking notes copiously and comparing the writing I had done to the stories that were being read at each class.  Yes, it was just that superficial.  Just listening for the quality of the work and comparing it to what I felt I was able to do.  I was white-knuckled at the thought of reading a piece of my own, and it was a while before I finally submitted a piece to be read.  So went the first session I attended.

As the second session rolled around, I started to really listen to the stories that were read.  Instead of roaming around on the surface of the stories, I fell into their interior.  I heard a great deal about what people choose to do when they reach a crossroads.  I felt the joy of life and the anguish of loss. I felt the urgency of recording events and people who are in danger of being forgotten. Most of all, I experienced the integrity, the honor and the honesty of people going about everyday life and making it work for them and for those they love.

I heard about the man leaving the only home he had ever known to seek a better life for his family.  He dared not look back for fear that he would turn back.  I heard about the grandmother who ran away from home rather than say things that would be hard for her or her child to forget.  After giving and receiving the gift of space she braved the aftermath of a snowstorm to return to keep a promise. I heard about the schoolgirl in a country far away who escaped from school with her friends on their lunch hour to keep a rendezvous with their idol, who didn’t know that he had a rendezvous to keep.  I heard about a woman whose husband  left her and who recreated her life in a rich and fulfilling way.  I heard about a woman who travelled to a beautiful, tragic land to see if there was a life for her and her children with the man she loved.  In doing so, she found the love of her life.

I am amazed and grateful for these stories. They are not about people who ruled or amassed great riches.

They are not about people who led the headlines in great deeds or scandal or tragedy.  They are about every one of us who have had a family, a career, dreams, and a story to tell.  They are richly embroidered with personal emotion, without being turgid or over-emotional.  They remind me of the lines from a song by John Stewart:  “They was just a lot of people doing the best they could, just a lot of people doing the best they could, and they did it pretty up-and-walking good.”

Yes, my dears, this is about you.  This is my love letter to you for enriching my life and inspiring my muse.  If I never wrote another line in my life I would still want to be in this class listening to these stories, and finding the genuineness of lives well lived.